Floating

On my 40^th birthday I literally thought that going into a deprivation tank would be the most wonderful possible experience to finally achieve some peace and quiet. Not knowing what I know now about the other interpretations of vibrational clutter, I was strictly going to relieve myself of the physical noise and demand that being a Mom of two young children inflicts.  I was so excited to try out floating as it is called. I had made my appointment months before and as a family we drove down to Victoria that morning and would be spending the night in one of our favorite hotels. It was a birthday treat like no other, a complete unfolding of my truest desires of what turning 40 should look like to me.  

What I was about to experience would set me on a path of self-discovery that I couldn’t even begin to imagine.  To my surprise, I didn’t achieve the great silence that I so longed for, instead I tuned my hearing onto myself, and little did I know, I had a lot to say! When I first entered the room that my float tank was in, I was delighted by the spectrum of colours that illuminated the room.  The warm, dampness and gentle music that surrounded me made it easy to comfortably transition to complete nakedness and ease into the salty water of the tank.  With excited anticipation, I lowered the tank lid and proceeded to relax into the water, to find my float.  It was very natural to feel confident that the warm water would support my body. The lights and music still soothed me and all seemed well.  Slowly the darkness came in and the music dimmed. My awareness shifted to my body. As I relaxed deeper and deeper into the float, various muscles would spasm to release. Each time my relaxation would deepen. I could hear my breath. I could hear my heart beat. I could hear the ringing in my ears.

My attention buzzed around inside my head with thoughts of this and that until I recognized that I needed to slow them down. I needed to try and meditate. So I began to capture each thought in a bubble and let it float away. Not dwell on any thought in particular but rather release each one as it arose. I took a few deep breaths and shifted my attention to my breathing. It sounded incredibly loud in the silence.  I brought my awareness deeper into my body, something I had not done for many years.  I was taught that when going to sleep, it could be helpful to lay a hand on each chakra, beginning at the base of your spine and slowly working your way up until you fall asleep. Where your hands were when you fell asleep indicated which chakra was feeling depleted.  So instead of physically using my hands and having to move my body while floating, I focused my attention on my chakras.  

With each one I noticed different sensations that would awake. Linked with those were memories of people and places. They would be summoned up and I would notice them and then let them go. Chakra by chakra I would slowly shift my attention up my body. When I got to my heart chakra, the sensation of sadness overwhelmed me.  Again, it was that beautiful feeling of pure love completely torn apart with intense hurt. At that moment I knew that my energy was blocked there, in my heart.  I immediately recognized that without clearing this block I would remain mute and disconnected with all of the chakras above that point.  I knew that from this moment on, I had to reconnect with the energy and spiritual practices that I had long buried for fear of disappointment.  A sense of relief washed over me, my tears mixed with the salt water of the float tank and the salty water stung my eyes. My healing journey was underway again, but my float was not over. There was more that my mind wanted to reveal to me.

This is a excerpt from a larger project that I am working on. If you would like to one of the first people to be notified about when that project is released, please subscribe to my mailing list.

Until then, keep exercising your breath.

Kerri